Let’s start with the important stuff, the main reason ringers like me do races these days: the goodie bag.

And, on that basis, the Telesia Half Marathon is the race that beats them all. When you pick up your bib, you get a goodie bag full of stuff. When you finish the race and get your medal, you get a goodie bag full of stuff. Then you get an ice cream. Then a pot of mozzarella (this is Italy after all).

In total (and to the best of my memory because this was now a while back when I’m typing this up), we got: a small bottle of wine, 500g of pasta, a tub of mozzarella, an ice cream, 2 packs of fruit juice, an energy drink, an energy gel, two packs of biscuits, one bit of cake, a banana, two apples, a cap, a t-shirt and a medal.  

Mamamia! All that was missing in all this fun was … a good time.

Ah, yes, the running part …

I was surprised to realise just before the race that the last time I raced a half marathon (I don’t count the Malta one) was almost 4 years ago which feels pretty odd considering I used to race about 6 or 7 a year for the best part of 7 or 8 years!

We were in Naples to visit some friends – I had initially planned to do the parkrun they set up there but, because it’s on a NATO base, it turns out it’s only for NATO staff so I thought I’d look – with very very little expectation – online to see if, by fluke, there may be a race on the weekend we were there. And there was! I found this small half marathon in a small spa town an hour away (sorry and thanks for the taxi service, Clare!). A low-key event would be great to test my legs again. Well, it turned out they were hosting the Italian Championships this year! Oops.

The first thing I noticed upon arriving in the small town of Telese Terme was how incredibly professional and big-key (is that a word?!) the whole shebang looked. It was everything but a small low-key event and had every look of a major championship in terms of the setup, the signage, the number of volunteers etc

The only thing which was a little confusing was the start time: the registration forms all said 9am but some signs and volunteers said 9.30am, some 9am. Very odd. In the end, this was because they set the women off 30 minutes before the men so, unsure of what the rules were, I just stood like a lame duck for half an hour at the start.

I’d say I was cooling down during that time but I wasn’t: this is southern Italy after all and it was HOT. Not scorching hot, but certainly hot for running around: around 25°C or so in the shade which normally means around 30°C in the sun.

The only other random thing before the start was that two people commented on how tall I am. Which, well, I know I am but … I’m not freakishly tall either!

The course itself is one of the most zigzaggy I’ve ever done: I think that last one with as many twists and turns was also in Italy, in Florence.

However, while I think part of the idea in Florence was to get you to run past the national treasures, the rationale was more geomorphological here: despite the spa town being in a mountainous and volcanic area, the whole course was remarkably flat (thank god, a proper hill would have killed me off) and it’s impressive they managed to find 21km of route without every looping back on itself!

As we set off, my target was very modest with a rough-ish target to aim for 4’16/km which’d get me to the end in 1h30 (bearing in mind my old PB was nearer 3’45/km … this is a lot slower!). Of course, I was a little too fast in the first few kilometres but, overall, nothing too excessive and I happily let other people overtake me.

It was a bit cloudy which was reassuring. Equally reassuring was the fact they gave bottles out every 5km. It’s not very environmentally friendly but it’s important mentally for me to know I can carry water with me. The next bit of reassurance came around 6 or 7km when I saw the first few people who’d pulled out. At least I wouldn’t be last!

The course very much took us out in the sticks: truth be told, it was a fairly uneventful Italian countryside of orchards and vineyard, a few old houses with some more crumbly than others. Said like that, it sounds lovely (for a gentle walk).

From 7km to 10km, we were in full sunshine with the limited breeze coming from behind (i.e. we couldn’t feel anything). I was getting very hot. I made it to the 10km mark in 42’44 which was bang on target for 1h30. However, because I’d more or les set myself a minimum target of making the 10km mark on time, my brain switched off a little after that and dropped the pace.

We had a slight “fake flat” up to the neighbouring village of San Salvatore Telesino before a nice downhill patch around the 14km mark.

Shortly after, I got a little boost from seeing Pippa, Maëlie and Clare though was also frustrated that the bottle they gave at that point had no cap: big, big bugger, I’d have to do the last 5km without water.

My mind obviously melted: was I hot? Yes. Was I as hot as my brain was telling me I was? Probably not.

Around 16km, we got a nice whiff of the sulphuric grounds as we ran alongside the river for 30 seconds. That or the runner in front seriously shat themselves. But I think it was a natural phenomenon…

Around 17.5km, we had a cross over with the 19km mark where I could see that runners were coming up a hill. UP A HILL. IN THIS TEMPERATURE.

I got my empty gel packet out of my pocket and tried to squeeze the last milligram of energy of it a if it was an empty toothpaste packet but to very little avail. Death was coming.

Then, was it a mirage? A miracle? Yes, a little public water fountain by the side of road: screw it, I do not care about my time, I just need the reassurance. So there I was, lapping up water at the tiny fountain like an overexciting dog.

It did, however, work and I made it to the end without stopping or dying and got my ice cream!

The finish time itself was entirely anecdotal, it was just satisfying to vaguely get to remember how to run long distance events and, hopefully, it’ll provide some muscle memory for the next events.

It’s certainly a little humbling to be so much slower than the last proper half marathon I ran (over 15 minutes slower!!) and that was in UAE too, which is hardly renown for cold conditions. It is however a fair reflection: I used to run 70-80km/week. Now, it’s usually 30 or 40. I used to not have a kid. Now, I do. I used to walk/cycle to work. Now, I don’t. And I never used to get injured. Now, I do.

This said, now the new baseline is set so it’s time to chip away at the time and creep back into the 1h20 and sub 40s in the 10k. And work (basically) 2 jobs, raise a kid and organise an international running event. Let’s see what pans out ….

Time: 1h34’00 (298^th / 1,378)

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Scenery